Quizzing stories.

My quizzing exploits are quite famous among my mum’s friends. For some reason quite unknown to me, my mother thinks that I am a very good quizzer. Of course, she hasn’t yet realised that she is way off the mark. I am not even close. I am slowly crawling in the direction of being a competent quizzer, but the competency line is still way beyond reach.

So, when some of my mum’s ladies come to my house for gossiping and all, I inevitably have to face a question or two. Something like : How many moons does Jupiter have? Can you name them all ?

* Now if she had asked me to name the Playboy playmates , I would have obliged, knowing the last 273 like the back of hand and all. But Jupiter? Moons? You got to be kidding *

No, Aunty, I do not know any moon of Jupiter. I roughly know one is called Ganymede. But then how many moons Jupiter has, I have no clue whatsoever.

* Oh, this chap is plain useless. Not fit for my daughter. I will find her a more intelligent boy. Sigh ! *

Also, if someone asked me who the first Prime Minster of the country was, I would hesitate before blurting out Nehru. Same with the first President. Actually, till about a couple of minutes ago, I thought it was S Radhakrishnan. But thats not the part we should concentrate on.

Most people have this idea that quizzers know everything there is to know. Right from the number of cars Anil Ambani owns to the number of moles on Jade Goody’s thighs. Sadly, that is not the case. As a quizzer, you really don’t know anything extra. Quizzing is not about memorizing and reproducing. You don’t have to know anything. Its mere observation and a bit more observation and loads of awareness and ability to think quickly.

I never really did well at school quizzes or inter-house quizzes. At least at that level, almost all have the mentality that quizzing is the playground of the nerds. That only nerds have the moral right to showcase their talents in such events. At school level, quizzes are billed up as “Battle of the Scholars”. That deters average academicians from participating and a wrong signal is sent out.

Some of the ludicrous questions I have encountered at school quizzes are as follows:

1. Where is Balwadi? (Pune/Solapur/Mumbai)

2. Where is Goregaon Sports Complex? (Goregaon/Malad/Kandivli)

Btw, the answer to the second question is infact Malad !

Now, if a viewer is dished out such fare, no wonder that he/she will never ever in his/her life think highly of a quiz contest. And as a result, quizzing continues to become a battle of the nerds.

The way in which a question is put up matters a lot too. Here are how some variations can give the question a completely new dimension.

Q. What does Orkut mean?

This is a real no-brainer. Who cares what Orkut means? Answering such questions can be taxing.

Q. Which word in Turkish means a “holy meeting place” or in Finnish means “an orgasm”? Hint: Wanna chat ?

Now, a “non-nerd” can relate himself to this question. Chat? Turkey? I heard somewhere that the engineer who developed Orkut was Turkish. Lets try Orkut ! Orkut ! Voila ! And then the moment that fills you with infinite pleasure !

Q. What was Google called when it was a Stanford Research Project ?

(No people, its not Balwadi) Dry. Dumb. Makes no sense really.

Q. As a Stanford research project it was called “Backrub” as its business model primarily dealt with the number of other sites which linked back to your site. Later, a technique called PageRank was devised to measure a site’s strength and it was named after one of the co-founders. How do we better know this research project?

Backlinks ? Internet? Yahoo ? Ah! Co-founders ! Page Rank? Who is that dude, Larry Page, is it? Google then ! GOOGLE , yeah !

Q. Which F1 driver was sentenced to two months prison for spraying gas on a London cab driver in the year 1991?

All verbose stuff. There are tons of drivers to choose from and half the junta will have never heard of the person in question : Bertrand Gachot.

Q. In 1991, Jordan driver Bertrand Gachot was sentenced to two months prison for spraying gas on a London cabbie. What happened as a result of his absence from the Formula One circuit ?

Yaar. Fatt rahi hai. Nahi aata. Dekh na kuch to clue hoga. 1991 Jordan. Abe Karthikeyan ! Nahi re woh 2005 mein tha. Are maine kal padha ki Shoe-maker also drove for Jordan. Pucca hai ! Aisa kya? MSC kya pucca?……err……after a lot of histrionics…….Michael Schumacher made his debut in F1 for Jordan ! And then the applause.

Q. What was the previous name of Ozone Pharmaceuticals?

Shit! To be very frank, I had never heard of this company till about a week ago. The answer is in fact “Seagull”. Now I do not suppose any human, nerd or non-nerd , should know this. And if he does, either his girlfriend has just dumped him or perhaps he has exhausted the supply of Jenna Jameson videos on his PC.

Q. Ozone Phamaceuticals was originally called “Seagull” by its founder/s. Give funda why?

See i know nothing of Seagulls, man. The only thing I can think of is Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Yeah the bird who soared high and all. I read it while the fatso was teaching Fluid Dynamics and you were busy in talk with your wife-to-be. Okay, lets punt then……the founders were inspired by the story Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. You bet they were !

Q. What was the size of the paper first used in Xerox machines ?

Yeah. Make a paper boat of the same size and use it to rescue damsels during Mumbai floods.

Q. The Xerox machine was initially called a 9 by 4 machine. Why?

Yeah. The paper size used was 9 inches by 4 inches. Also , the inches here don’t matter at all. Once the guy comes up with the words “paper size”, he’s got full points. Who cares about inches or metres? At least Mallika Sherawat doesn’t. At least the hemlines of her skirts do not suggest so.

Phew. Once the questions are set right, more than half the battle is won. The crowd can now relate itself to the questions and are more involved in the quiz. Anyways, coming back.

On the personal front, I have won a few quizzes. And lost many many more. I love losing quizzes. I really do. Every time you attend a quiz, you learn fascinating facts which have eluded you all this while. You marvel at the simplicity of things around you and then lament about your inability to have observed them earlier. There have been quizzes at times, where I have got 8 correct on 150 , 9 on 150 and even less. But there is this excitement, the contentment of the 8 Eureka moments ! The eight correct answers. At an NMIMS sports quiz (sports being my pet peeve), we managed to reach the on-stage finals only to amass a grand total of zero points at the end of eight rounds. The only consolation was two free PET bottles of Appy Fizz. Even the ESPN School quiz thingy. We were never supposed to win it. We never intended to. Just that we had loads of luck and truckloads of fun , and we managed to outperform other teams. I can quite confidently say that there were at least 6 more teams who deserved to win it more than us.

That brings me to the crux of the post. Quizzing, for god’s sake, is never about winning. It will never be. It isn’t academics, you see. Winning or finishing bottom of the pile never does matter. Its all about those couple of Eureka moments, those moments where you feel quite content about having absorbed a new fact. Its not about beating your competitors and cutting their throats. It is not about getting a higher CGPA. It is about appreciating and encouraging your peers. Its about holistic learning. Its about getting beaten every single time and enjoying it more and more every time you get thrashed.

I have attended most quizzes with him.

He has always been the God guy and I have always played the role of an obedient understudy. The last couple of quizzes I won was at Umang last year. I could not attend the Mood Indigo quizzes for I was in a different hemisphere altogether on the very day. Not that I had any chance of silverware but it hurts to miss a quiz. At Umang, he tried his very best to lose the quiz, missing sitters that Himesh would have answered even without his cap on. Or perhaps, Padma Lakshmi would have answered without Rushdie by her arm. But then, the others sucked too and we ended up finishing on the podium. One of the very very very rare cases where I did the bulk of the scoring. On normal days, my job is restricted to noting scores of other teams while he (hell, I am not linking him here) answers with full gusto.

I do not know what the quizzing scene in the Mumbai engineering circuit is like. The Pune circuit is very good. This and this are all the resources you will need if you happen to reside in Pune.

I have still not figured out the purpose of the post, I really haven’t. I don’ t want to deliver sermons on how to improve quizzing for I am not competent enough to suggest anything extraordinary. Yeah, but you can see how subtle changes make the question oh so interesting. Nor did I want to exhort people to participate in quizzes, for I very well know that it is a real difficult job to convey to the junta that quizzing can be fun too. Just like the fun you have at Mac D’s with burgers and all. Its just that nostalgia set in, and I wanted to revisit those good old quizzing days. Haven’t really quizzed for the better part of a year and a half now. And am raring to go again, lose again and enjoy again. Given a choice between topping an examination and finishing at the very bottom of a quiz, I would surely chose the latter, a thousand times over !

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