Yes. I’ve taken the plunge. Finally ! Done the deed. Although it did not quite require me to buy orchids and go down on one knee, it wasn’t easy. I’d been waiting for her very patiently. She’d been taken by someone else. Perhaps, he didn’t treat her well. The day he let her go, I made her mine. And thus begins my romance with chinmaykamat.com She’s quite nice in many ways. But its a long journey ahead.

I’d always wanted to shift to a self hosted domain but did not want to settle on anything else than chinmaykamat.com – hence I had to wait for a long time as it was registered by someone else. One major reason to shift is that personal hosting gives you a lot of flexibilty with regards to what you want to with your blog/site. I wanted to hand-code the entire site and had planned to do it assiduously in the vacation. But all plans never materialise, do they ? I tried coding a bit but I’m not that competent at it so finally settled on a Wordpress blog. Currently, its just a blog like it was at beckhamsbarber, but as we progress in time, I hope to adorn in with niceties.

I have tried to tweak the Wordpress theme – but haven’t been able to do it impressively at all. I would have ideally wanted to end up with something like his blog but as you can see it isn’t a pale shadow of his creative abilities. I had planned to switch completely in August as a lot of work is still to be put into this. The blank space that we see at the top having “Stupidity….” will have to be replaced with something flashy. There isn’t a favicon yet. The “About Me” in the right sidebar boasts of some Web codes. The hitch is that I’ve coded them in Java which needs an enviroment, so I’ll be needing to convert it to PHP or Javascript before I upload them here. Hence, it will take time.

This new platform brings with it a need to update regularly, something which I’m hoping I’ll succeed in doing. And do keep visiting kyunki sirf naam badla hai, baki kuch nahi.

This is not a fable. Previously I might have made up some rather bizarre first person posts, just to strike a chord with the readers. But this one is totally, absolutely, brutally, physically true. As true as Michael Owen’s love for Liverpool.

There has been this digestion problem that I face that just refuses to go away. As with Yossarian’s liver troubles in Catch 22, it neither aggravates nor vanishes. It keeps on popping its ugly head from time to time and causes me discomfort. A lot of medication has been tried. All of it worked for a certain duration. And then again, ’twas back to square one. Some very enthusiastic members of family decided a while ago that homeopathy – those white tablets which when magnified could resemble naphtalene balls – was the way ahead. And I had to rest faith in the homeopath to find a panacea to this recurring ailment.

Being my first visit, I was told to fill a thick booklet beforehand. In hindsight, I think I should have scanned the booklet for it would have really been apt for this blogpost. The booklet needed me to fill all possible information that even my mum wouldn’t bother asking. It was fun. So I thought while flipping through the pages and writing a big “-N/A-” for most questions.

My number was called and I handed over the booklet to a guy at the front desk. I could see from his face that he was clearly dissatisfied with my resonses rather the lack of them. Yet he chose to smile calmly. He looked at me affectionately. We are living in the times where 377 has been legalised. It is no more a taboo. I felt a slight churn in my tummy. He politely reminded me that I’d have to give verbal responses to all the questions since I had acted like a jackass by not taking the booklet seriously. He escorted me to a small room. I was quite relieved to know that I would not have to answer to him – 377 not withstanding. To be honest, I was expecting the doc to take over from here. But hell no!

Two female sidekicks made their way into the room. I’m not a great judge of person. But both seemed to be in their early 20’s. Pathology or pharmacy graduates, perhaps. I don’t know if it is the standard protocol to be questioned by both of them in unison. But my shin(e)y,glowing face must have made them re-think their routine.

There was a pause. Some smiles. Without further ado, one of them nodded their head and mumbled, “Start”. Now, I had no voice recording up my arse, so I started slowly. Stammered and stuttered. Mostly in angrezi. Within a few minutes I realized that both of them didn’t really enjoy the Queen’s language. So I switched to a cocktail of angrezi, marathi and hindi. I finished off the basic problem, symptoms all in one go. Instead of being asked to leave, I was asked an innocuous two word question that would make the next 90 minutes worse than sitting through Kambakht Ishq – “What else?”

Now, there was a sinister plot behind the question. It was designed in such a way that come the later stages of the booklet, it would bite you in the backside. Lets get to the booklet now, shall we. It was the most amazing example of what I would call “ethical voyeuring”. It asked you everything – what you ate, why you ate, when you ate, how much you peed, did you smell your pee, how much water you drank, how much did you sweat, if you loved summer or rains or winter, if you had dreams, what did you see in your dreams, when did you dream, if you had any fears, how was your sexual appetite, if you thought about blondes and jerked off in the shower, the frequency of the previous activity, your joys, your sorrows, your reactions when you were angry, your fraands, your views on fraandship, your admiration for Paris Hilton’s chihuahua (the dog i meant), your relationship with the milkman of the second cousin of the President of Tajikistan et al.

After the initial bit pertaining to the problem, the femme fatale decided to quiz me on my dreams -

Do you dream ? Erm. Not really.

Have you never ever dreamt in your life ?

Yes. I have.

When was the last time you had a dream ?

Hell. I remember.

No. But still ?

Seriously no clue.

What happens in your dreams?

Whom do you dream about? *mutters*

Do you dream about yourself?

Well. Yes.

Do you ever dream about friends? Some special friend?

*at about this time I realised where it was all headed. For the next twenty minutes, they beat about the bush without uttering the “girlfriend” word*

The questions were very innovative but they really could not muster the nerve to ask me face to face if I had someone with whom I cuddled up every weekend. I kind of laud their sheer enterprise though. They tried all they could to unsettle me but I wouldn’t give an inch.

Questions included -

How were you in school ?

And what else?

How was your nature in school ?

And what else ?

Ok.All that is academics. Is there something else you’d like to tell about school/college life?

And what else ?

How many friends did you have in school ?

And what else ?

How were your relationship among friends ?

Is there one friend whom you’re still in touch with?

And what else?

Do you tell your secrets to your parents ?

Do you have any special friends whom you share your secrets with ?

And what else ?

Now I think about it, I feel really grateful to them. No one has ever taken so much interest in me. And in the 90 minutes that I had with them, they fondled me with so much affection. They made me feel important. They had a heart. They really understood me. It was Kissmat KKonektion all over. *sob* *sob* I extend my deepest gratitude towards them. I won’t be meeting them for a while I guess, but I’ll never really forget the time we spent dissecting my past.

After the interrogation, I was taken to the Doc. Ironically, he barely conversed with me. He just read through all what was written by one of those dames and prescribed me a course of those tiny naphtalene balls.

As I sit here poking ridicule at the entire process, they’d also have had a silent laugh at me and my responses. By now, they’d have forwarded my details to couple of matrimony sites as well as a prospective customer. But I’d prefer to believe that silence is golden. And I’m convinced that I kind of steered through the questioning very tactfully. After the Arushi homicide case, India TV had a shocking expose (acute over the e – as in exposay) of the messages she had sent a guy about a day ago which read somewhat to the tune of – ” u r mah bst bud. lv ya lds. kss. mwah. mwah. “. Now, if I do something which would make me front page news in this country, you know where to look for the shady details, don’t you ?

Lets make this one very cliched. Ever since I started this blog, I knew there would be a stage where I’d be forced to write this one. Everyone writes one and calls it various names. For some its a ‘mid-graduation analysis’, for some ‘what after this conrundrum’ and for some a simple education crisis.  Its going to be a very funny post this one, ironically, completely devoid of humour. It is funny because the first couple of years of engineering have been by far the worst two years of all. Lots of tumult. Uncertainty. Despair. Struggle. And it isn’t really something that I’d like to take time off and write about.

But then I’ve this very inflexible habit where I plan things. I set up my mind to do something in a particular way, and do not like to make modifications to the method. I know, its a bit archaic this methodology, especially in the times of just in time compilation, just in time inventory management and dynamic programming. Ask some friends of mine and they’ll testify. I am very rarely part of an impromptu gathering. For whenever I get up every morning, I envisage a plan for the day, however stupid that may be. And if something upsets the plan, I’m a bit grumpy. So, it was this unconditional whim of mine that decided that I’ll make a post like this some couple of years ago.

I think I echo the sentiments of most students who are really unsure about what to do ahead. After graduation. The four years of graduate studies at MU are so uninspiring, unfulfilling that students tend to look beyond graduation very early. Most people are sitting at home confused not knowing what to do – which classes to join, why to join, what to do.

I’ll let out a little secret. Even before I joined engineering, I’d always wanted to do an MBA. In the two years of farce which most of us refer to us as junior college, I couldn’t relate to any of organic chemistry or nuclear physics for that matter. I’d often wonder, who makes these schedules for sport tournaments ? Who decides how the stock prices fluctuate ? How does a country decide how much currency notes to circulate ? How can people sell tons of potato chips when they are so not worth the money ? The answers weren’t really in any junior college text books. An extensive research over the internet for a few months led me to explore everything about the MBA. And I could finally relate to things. I got hold of some examination papers. And I was like, this is Ok, its do-able. If I study, I’ll do well in this. In an attempt to escape the clutches of really uninspiring junior college, I drifted towards an MBA, so much so that at one moment I thought I wouldn’t mind doing a BMS or Economics. Not because I’d been cool then, get to spike my hair and watch movies with sensual ladies at my arm. But just that I’d be learning something that made sense. And not endlessly cram insipid things before every exam.

It then became a fierce MBA v/s Engineering battle. I then always thought I’d work exceedingly hard for the CAT and it became a kind of test of redemption. Pretty naive that I was then, CAT became important because it was my redemption card for the not performing (thaaaaaat) well in my Engg. entrance examinations. But decent marks ensured that I got into one nice big-named hunky-dory college in Mumbai rejecting overtures from some other bits and pieces from Rajasthan and Goa and landed up doing Computer Engineering. Still, at the back of my mind I always had decided, two years down the line, I’ll start a blog, post things like they post here.

Not even half way through, let me put it straight that this is not a post bigging MBA over engineering. IMHO, engineering is the most difficult of all professional courses. I truly admire science graduates studying pure science and core engineering subjects, for I know that I’d never be able to study these subjects being at peace with myself. Every parent silently wants his kid to take up pure science or core engineering, I think. It is sign that he’s on the right track, interested in all things perceived right.

This is the time – 2 years into enginerring – is when I was to start that CAT blog. Be all excited about the exam and work harder than most people towards it. But it ain’t happening. Not in a million years. I’ve kind of learnt so much over the last couple of years that my entire perspective about higher education has undergone a radical change. Every week, I wake up, and dread attending college – for it is nothing but a monumental waste of time,energy and resources. And that is why I’ve to make doubly sure that whatever I do later isn’t as much of a drag as it is today.

So, I guess the scene is set to join one of the infinitely many available CAT classes. I’ll attend classes and attempt the exam in Nov’10. But it just would never be the same. The fervor, the zeal, the enthusiasm will all be lacking. Because from the couple of years at MU, I’ve come to the conclusion that no exam can be overtly important and most learning is hollow. Plus, CAT goes online from Nov’09. Going the BITSAT or GRE way. There was always a paper and pencil charm associated with the exam like he puts it. Now, that they’ve done away with this method, the enthusiasm just keeps dropping every passing day. So no more CAT blogs, no more romanticising the exam, no more CAT updates. Just couple of years of sheep-walking then falling flat on the ground, with egg all over your face.

Most of  my friends will end up taking the GRE and hunt abroad for greener pastures. After joining an engg course, it did cross my mind once. With everyone doing a masters, surely its worth a punt, isn’t it ? But because subjects are so badly taught over here, no real computer science topic excites me – apart from Web Technologies to an extent. Keep me locked in a room full of marketing textbooks, and I “might” survive. Replace them with Microprocessors and I won’t.

What I’ve understood is that, computer science subjects per se are not that uninteresting. But they are taught in a very myopic sense, so much so that they become unbearable. Perhaps when one does Masters, the “competent” faculty would give a more holistic view of the entire subject enviroment and perhaps generate some interest in the subject. But committing yourself with this flicker of hope in mind could prove disastrous. Yes, in these couple of years, pursuing Masters did cross my mind, something which would have been sacrilegious back in my junior college rebel days, but after flirting with the idea for a while, I’ve decided to reject it. For it fails to answer a simple question, in classic Wendy’s style, “Where’s the beef  ?” .

(Just an observation. Sacrilegious and beef in the same paragraph. Trust me its a coincidence.)

Well, the fact remains that I’m still not a graduate. Far from that. And this one is as much about college and how the first couple of years have been in college as the aforementioned topics. Initially I thought I’d make a list of things accomplished, things failed to do, things I want to do. But then it’ll be a huge list, no ?

Lets just say that “college life” has not really been as it should have been. Often I get these pangs of dissapointment where I say to myself ,” This is not how I was supposed to spend years 18-21. Shrouded in worry, anxiety, uncertainty and dare I say mediocrity.”

You might wonder, what is with this guy who keeps on ranting about how bad the work enviornment is. But it is really bad. Trust me on this one. I do not know how other universities in India go about their jobs. But painful as it may sound, but we have to get used to  -

• approximately 50 days of vacations per year (only ? )
• scenario where results are declared not less than 100 days after exams
• recently, a friend had to attempt two papers in the same day, for half way through the first one the college realised that the university had handed them the wrong papers. Fun, no ?

The greatest regret that I’d perhaps have is that I’d never have the chance to look back and say , “Oh! Those were the lovely engineering college days.” I’d not like to make any silly accusation here that the teachers are bad, the system is rotten, people have no sense, there are few like-minded students. All of which is partly true though. But there is no nostalgic romance that I’ll be able to associate with college. It’ll always be about Draconian laws , Machiavellianism and irrational educators. Unless something changes drastically over the next half, I’ll never be able to evoke positive responses about the college, a fact that’d continue to haunt me.

Siddharth and I had this joke once, where he told me that he was threatened in Std 10 that if he didn’t study hard enough, he’d be forced to take commerce. (Abhyas kar nahi tar commerce ghyava lagel). How we wish, we hadn’t studied well back then, life would have been less of a farce really

The problem with most of us is that we’re studying the wrong things for the totally wrong reasons. As Sidin so beautifully puts on his twitter,

‘Sab log dekh rahe hai’ is not why kids should’nt act like hooligans on the metro. Stupid parents.

Extending the same to other facets of life, “Sab log kar rahe hai” is not a reason why students should take up a course. Stupid stupid students. The only reason I’d ever work as a computer engg. guy is because that would help me foot my internet bills. No other reasons. And that is why, it is important for everyone at this stage to choose a course that they really really WANT to do. Harsha and Seth Godin just reaffirm my stance.

There’s nothing more to write really, I go back into my shell. Start hunting for CAT classes. Hope to pass SEM 4. That I wouldn’t know for 100 more days though .

The plight of this graduate is slightly more interesting than mine. So, this shall be the standard fare for tonight

I have finally experienced the full wrath of Mumbai university. That means more work than a certain Norwegian refree had at a London theatre some days ago. With exams lurking menacingly around the corner, I will certainly not be able to write something meaningful for a while. But then, I had to get this off my chest.

Football is a funny game. I’ve watched so much of the game at a young age, that I often wonder if I’ve seen everything there is to be seen. I’ve consciously cut down on my football time in the recent past, catching only a few games every once a while. But then, the overall response to the Chelsea-Barcelona semi-final has evoked the ire of the  one-time football purist in me. There was a time where I used to vociferously fight for my opinion when it came to football matters, voicing my opinion on worldly popular forums, fighting for my stance against highly experienced people. Won some, lost some. But learnt a lot. Mainly to have a rational view about things. There I learnt a very important lesson. People on the internet will always be wrong. You might cry hoarse. Fight for justice. Fight for rational thinking. But you’ll be chasing a chimera.

Thus, when I met a lot of people who ‘blamed’ Chelsea’s defeat on the bald Scandinavian, I just shrugged my shoulders. More like, been there, seen that. No strength to retort. There’s one fact that is absolutely certain – Chelsea lost because they did not have the fire in the belly to score a second goal and kill the tie, they fell, whined, barked, argued while the Catalans were disciplined and worked tremendously hard off the ball to retain possession. As I always maintain, the hallmark of truly great teams is to nick a result when they are not playing well. Not to their potential. Everyone wins on their glory days. Winning when playing poorly is what separates the wheat from chaff. Ask a certain Alex Ferguson and he’ll point to a certain Frederico Macheda.

Let us take one argument at a time.

i) Chelsea derserved to win.

They did not have the quality to score away at the Nou Camp. They did not have the quality to score a second deciding goal. They did not have the mentality to finish the game with 2 strikers. You deserve a lot of things. But you have to work towards them. Chelsea deserve to have another shot at the Champions League. They’re free to try next season. Its a simple equation. Any team that scores goals deserves to go through.

ii) Chelsea f*cked Barcelona in the a*se

Last I cared to check, semi finals are played over two legs. In the first leg at the Camp Nou, Barcelona had 19 shots on goal in comparison to Chelsea’s 3. 10 corners in comparison to 2. 59 percent possesion. Barcelona bossed the game. And if I can stick my neck out,  they “deserved” to take a lead to England. But, their inability to score was their bane. Chelsea are a very good team. And as I say about good teams, they got a result when the chips were down. Perhaps, they failed to understand that Barcelona were an equally good team. And they had no divine right to go through at home just because they had surprised themselves by keeping a clean sheet away from home.

Chelsea fans are being very myopic in their view. Out of the 180 minutes of the tie, Chelsea dominated for about 70 minutes. Barca for 110.  There is a feeling that Chelsea outplayed themselves. By claiming to have lorded over the tie after dominating it in minority, one is actually conceeding that Barcelona is a better team and that 70 minutes of domination over them is the highest that they could ask for.

iii) We lost to the ref

For me, there were two very strong penalty shouts and at least one could have been given. Especially, the Pique handball. But again, the Abidal red was a disgrace. The refereeing was poor. But it wasn’t the cause for Chelsea’s defeat. It was their inability to match Barca’s hunger and ineptitude to finish. A top of the Premier League team like Chelsea wins at least 5-7 games a season to the ref. You don’t bring the house down when you lose a couple. If you want to know what losing to the ref is like, then ask a West Brom or a Sunderland or a Hull.

Chelsea did lose to the ref – their dignity, the following of any neutral supporters and any sense of sympathy that one could have towards them.

As one Oswin Diniz says very eloquently on his Facebook :

I don’t understand all the fuss about Drogba grabbing a TV camera and saying ‘Fucking disgrace’ live on air. He should be applauded for giving an honest assessment of his performance.

Given that I support a ’smaller’ club, I sometimes consider myself to be on a higher moral plane than most other fans. Put it down to vanity. Yes, you are free to disagree. The problem with most fans I guess, is that they want to support a winning club rather than wanting their favored club to win. Supporting a losing club, suddenly becomes a taboo. Most fans have seen their club win trophies at domestic and European levels. And a sense of false pride has crept in. Nobody has a divine right to win on past glory.

It would be nice to see more and more fans putting their hand up and criticise their teams, their players & managers and accept their faults and imperfections. Accepting one’s shortcoming isn’t really a sign of weakness. This isn’t really a tirade against Chelsea football club. Although I have no real respect for the club as a whole (I don’t really like their footballing philosophy. Period.), I would love the likes of Lampard, Essien and Ricardo Carvalho to be in my team. Three Chelsea players who are honest triers. This is more of a disgusted moan towards majority of the “Top 4″ supporters. Do not try to malign the whole footballing world to justify the shortcomings of your own team. Feel happy that you don’t fight relegation every second season. It’s fine to lose at times. And there’s more to the footballing world than tending to egos of overpaid footballers.Most clubs in the world never play in a Cup final at any level. Their fans yearn for a trophy for decades together, a Cup final if not a trophy so that they could take their grandchildren out for a Cup final treat. Not surprising that most fans fail to realise this dream.

If Iniesta would not have scored, I assume, Barca would have taken disappointment in their stride, won 2 domestic competitions and would have ended the season with some cheer for their fans. No funny comments. No snide business. No mudbaths.

The way I see it now, Chelsea will end the season without a trophy (Everton, help here). And when 10 years down the line people will rave about Guardiola’s first season in charge – Chelsea fans will still feel cheated. Howard Webb is incharge of the FA Cup final. Be ready for fireworks. Because a certain team in blue wants to have their cake and eat it too.

This is something I wanted to do for a long time. Movie quotes amaze me. I still don’t understand what goes on behind coming up with a classic quote which inspires further quotes. Some of them might be ‘adapted’ from the works in the previous centuries. But all in all, they’re aptly used and leave a lasting impression. This section on Quotes will be used to note down any arbit quotes – not just movie quotes but absolutely anything that I find interesting in the spur of the moment.

The key to understanding is to understand what “vestal’s  lot” means in this context. Here it refers to a virgin’s mind  sworn to celibacy and to remain separate from the world. So – she is blameless. Forgetting the world and forgotten by the world because of no social or carnal obligation. Her mind spotless – untouched by sin — meaning both sex and the other dealings with the social world which dirty the mind and the soul. Her prayers are accepted, because she has devoted herself to the holy life.Each wish resign’d is intriguing. I’d like to read it in reference to the unconsummated love affair with Abelard (and by extension each love affair given up by her vows). She has given up those wishes.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is surely one of the top 5 movies in my book. One of the finest you’d see in recent times.Also, I happened to see Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid a few days ago. One quote stood out, which really makes an impact in the context of the movie.

On the sheer weight of quotes, Casablanca is head and shoulders above the rest. Will perhaps once dedicate an entire post to Casablanca quotes. No other movie has had an impact on social & entertainment spheres as Casablanca. But we’ll keep it for some other day.