Thoughts. Stories. Ideas. Poor narration!

This is not a fable. Previously I might have made up some rather bizarre first person posts, just to strike a chord with the readers. But this one is totally, absolutely, brutally, physically true. As true as Michael Owen’s love for Liverpool.

There has been this digestion problem that I face that just refuses to go away. As with Yossarian’s liver troubles in Catch 22, it neither aggravates nor vanishes. It keeps on popping its ugly head from time to time and causes me discomfort. A lot of medication has been tried. All of it worked for a certain duration. And then again, ’twas back to square one. Some very enthusiastic members of family decided a while ago that homeopathy – those white tablets which when magnified could resemble naphtalene balls – was the way ahead. And I had to rest faith in the homeopath to find a panacea to this recurring ailment.

Being my first visit, I was told to fill a thick booklet beforehand. In hindsight, I think I should have scanned the booklet for it would have really been apt for this blogpost. The booklet needed me to fill all possible information that even my mum wouldn’t bother asking. It was fun. So I thought while flipping through the pages and writing a big “-N/A-” for most questions.

My number was called and I handed over the booklet to a guy at the front desk. I could see from his face that he was clearly dissatisfied with my resonses rather the lack of them. Yet he chose to smile calmly. He looked at me affectionately. We are living in the times where 377 has been legalised. It is no more a taboo. I felt a slight churn in my tummy. He politely reminded me that I’d have to give verbal responses to all the questions since I had acted like a jackass by not taking the booklet seriously. He escorted me to a small room. I was quite relieved to know that I would not have to answer to him – 377 not withstanding. To be honest, I was expecting the doc to take over from here. But hell no!

Two female sidekicks made their way into the room. I’m not a great judge of person. But both seemed to be in their early 20’s. Pathology or pharmacy graduates, perhaps. I don’t know if it is the standard protocol to be questioned by both of them in unison. But my shin(e)y,glowing face must have made them re-think their routine.

There was a pause. Some smiles. Without further ado, one of them nodded their head and mumbled, “Start”. Now, I had no voice recording up my arse, so I started slowly. Stammered and stuttered. Mostly in angrezi. Within a few minutes I realized that both of them didn’t really enjoy the Queen’s language. So I switched to a cocktail of angrezi, marathi and hindi. I finished off the basic problem, symptoms all in one go. Instead of being asked to leave, I was asked an innocuous two word question that would make the next 90 minutes worse than sitting through Kambakht Ishq – “What else?”

Now, there was a sinister plot behind the question. It was designed in such a way that come the later stages of the booklet, it would bite you in the backside. Lets get to the booklet now, shall we. It was the most amazing example of what I would call “ethical voyeuring”. It asked you everything – what you ate, why you ate, when you ate, how much you peed, did you smell your pee, how much water you drank, how much did you sweat, if you loved summer or rains or winter, if you had dreams, what did you see in your dreams, when did you dream, if you had any fears, how was your sexual appetite, if you thought about blondes and jerked off in the shower, the frequency of the previous activity, your joys, your sorrows, your reactions when you were angry, your fraands, your views on fraandship, your admiration for Paris Hilton’s chihuahua (the dog i meant), your relationship with the milkman of the second cousin of the President of Tajikistan et al.

After the initial bit pertaining to the problem, the femme fatale decided to quiz me on my dreams -

Do you dream ? Erm. Not really.

Have you never ever dreamt in your life ?

Yes. I have.

When was the last time you had a dream ?

Hell. I remember.

No. But still ?

Seriously no clue.

What happens in your dreams?

Whom do you dream about? *mutters*

Do you dream about yourself?

Well. Yes.

Do you ever dream about friends? Some special friend?

*at about this time I realised where it was all headed. For the next twenty minutes, they beat about the bush without uttering the “girlfriend” word*

The questions were very innovative but they really could not muster the nerve to ask me face to face if I had someone with whom I cuddled up every weekend. I kind of laud their sheer enterprise though. They tried all they could to unsettle me but I wouldn’t give an inch.

Questions included -

How were you in school ?

And what else?

How was your nature in school ?

And what else ?

Ok.All that is academics. Is there something else you’d like to tell about school/college life?

And what else ?

How many friends did you have in school ?

And what else ?

How were your relationship among friends ?

Is there one friend whom you’re still in touch with?

And what else?

Do you tell your secrets to your parents ?

Do you have any special friends whom you share your secrets with ?

And what else ?

Now I think about it, I feel really grateful to them. No one has ever taken so much interest in me. And in the 90 minutes that I had with them, they fondled me with so much affection. They made me feel important. They had a heart. They really understood me. It was Kissmat KKonektion all over. *sob* *sob* I extend my deepest gratitude towards them. I won’t be meeting them for a while I guess, but I’ll never really forget the time we spent dissecting my past.

After the interrogation, I was taken to the Doc. Ironically, he barely conversed with me. He just read through all what was written by one of those dames and prescribed me a course of those tiny naphtalene balls.

As I sit here poking ridicule at the entire process, they’d also have had a silent laugh at me and my responses. By now, they’d have forwarded my details to couple of matrimony sites as well as a prospective customer. But I’d prefer to believe that silence is golden. And I’m convinced that I kind of steered through the questioning very tactfully. After the Arushi homicide case, India TV had a shocking expose (acute over the e – as in exposay) of the messages she had sent a guy about a day ago which read somewhat to the tune of – ” u r mah bst bud. lv ya lds. kss. mwah. mwah. “. Now, if I do something which would make me front page news in this country, you know where to look for the shady details, don’t you ?

Lets make this one very cliched. Ever since I started this blog, I knew there would be a stage where I’d be forced to write this one. Everyone writes one and calls it various names. For some its a ‘mid-graduation analysis’, for some ‘what after this conrundrum’ and for some a simple education crisis.  Its going to be a very funny post this one, ironically, completely devoid of humour. It is funny because the first couple of years of engineering have been by far the worst two years of all. Lots of tumult. Uncertainty. Despair. Struggle. And it isn’t really something that I’d like to take time off and write about.

But then I’ve this very inflexible habit where I plan things. I set up my mind to do something in a particular way, and do not like to make modifications to the method. I know, its a bit archaic this methodology, especially in the times of just in time compilation, just in time inventory management and dynamic programming. Ask some friends of mine and they’ll testify. I am very rarely part of an impromptu gathering. For whenever I get up every morning, I envisage a plan for the day, however stupid that may be. And if something upsets the plan, I’m a bit grumpy. So, it was this unconditional whim of mine that decided that I’ll make a post like this some couple of years ago.

I think I echo the sentiments of most students who are really unsure about what to do ahead. After graduation. The four years of graduate studies at MU are so uninspiring, unfulfilling that students tend to look beyond graduation very early. Most people are sitting at home confused not knowing what to do – which classes to join, why to join, what to do.

I’ll let out a little secret. Even before I joined engineering, I’d always wanted to do an MBA. In the two years of farce which most of us refer to us as junior college, I couldn’t relate to any of organic chemistry or nuclear physics for that matter. I’d often wonder, who makes these schedules for sport tournaments ? Who decides how the stock prices fluctuate ? How does a country decide how much currency notes to circulate ? How can people sell tons of potato chips when they are so not worth the money ? The answers weren’t really in any junior college text books. An extensive research over the internet for a few months led me to explore everything about the MBA. And I could finally relate to things. I got hold of some examination papers. And I was like, this is Ok, its do-able. If I study, I’ll do well in this. In an attempt to escape the clutches of really uninspiring junior college, I drifted towards an MBA, so much so that at one moment I thought I wouldn’t mind doing a BMS or Economics. Not because I’d been cool then, get to spike my hair and watch movies with sensual ladies at my arm. But just that I’d be learning something that made sense. And not endlessly cram insipid things before every exam.

It then became a fierce MBA v/s Engineering battle. I then always thought I’d work exceedingly hard for the CAT and it became a kind of test of redemption. Pretty naive that I was then, CAT became important because it was my redemption card for the not performing (thaaaaaat) well in my Engg. entrance examinations. But decent marks ensured that I got into one nice big-named hunky-dory college in Mumbai rejecting overtures from some other bits and pieces from Rajasthan and Goa and landed up doing Computer Engineering. Still, at the back of my mind I always had decided, two years down the line, I’ll start a blog, post things like they post here.

Not even half way through, let me put it straight that this is not a post bigging MBA over engineering. IMHO, engineering is the most difficult of all professional courses. I truly admire science graduates studying pure science and core engineering subjects, for I know that I’d never be able to study these subjects being at peace with myself. Every parent silently wants his kid to take up pure science or core engineering, I think. It is sign that he’s on the right track, interested in all things perceived right.

This is the time – 2 years into enginerring – is when I was to start that CAT blog. Be all excited about the exam and work harder than most people towards it. But it ain’t happening. Not in a million years. I’ve kind of learnt so much over the last couple of years that my entire perspective about higher education has undergone a radical change. Every week, I wake up, and dread attending college – for it is nothing but a monumental waste of time,energy and resources. And that is why I’ve to make doubly sure that whatever I do later isn’t as much of a drag as it is today.

So, I guess the scene is set to join one of the infinitely many available CAT classes. I’ll attend classes and attempt the exam in Nov’10. But it just would never be the same. The fervor, the zeal, the enthusiasm will all be lacking. Because from the couple of years at MU, I’ve come to the conclusion that no exam can be overtly important and most learning is hollow. Plus, CAT goes online from Nov’09. Going the BITSAT or GRE way. There was always a paper and pencil charm associated with the exam like he puts it. Now, that they’ve done away with this method, the enthusiasm just keeps dropping every passing day. So no more CAT blogs, no more romanticising the exam, no more CAT updates. Just couple of years of sheep-walking then falling flat on the ground, with egg all over your face.

Most of  my friends will end up taking the GRE and hunt abroad for greener pastures. After joining an engg course, it did cross my mind once. With everyone doing a masters, surely its worth a punt, isn’t it ? But because subjects are so badly taught over here, no real computer science topic excites me – apart from Web Technologies to an extent. Keep me locked in a room full of marketing textbooks, and I “might” survive. Replace them with Microprocessors and I won’t.

What I’ve understood is that, computer science subjects per se are not that uninteresting. But they are taught in a very myopic sense, so much so that they become unbearable. Perhaps when one does Masters, the “competent” faculty would give a more holistic view of the entire subject enviroment and perhaps generate some interest in the subject. But committing yourself with this flicker of hope in mind could prove disastrous. Yes, in these couple of years, pursuing Masters did cross my mind, something which would have been sacrilegious back in my junior college rebel days, but after flirting with the idea for a while, I’ve decided to reject it. For it fails to answer a simple question, in classic Wendy’s style, “Where’s the beef  ?” .

(Just an observation. Sacrilegious and beef in the same paragraph. Trust me its a coincidence.)

Well, the fact remains that I’m still not a graduate. Far from that. And this one is as much about college and how the first couple of years have been in college as the aforementioned topics. Initially I thought I’d make a list of things accomplished, things failed to do, things I want to do. But then it’ll be a huge list, no ?

Lets just say that “college life” has not really been as it should have been. Often I get these pangs of dissapointment where I say to myself ,” This is not how I was supposed to spend years 18-21. Shrouded in worry, anxiety, uncertainty and dare I say mediocrity.”

You might wonder, what is with this guy who keeps on ranting about how bad the work enviornment is. But it is really bad. Trust me on this one. I do not know how other universities in India go about their jobs. But painful as it may sound, but we have to get used to  -

• approximately 50 days of vacations per year (only ? )
• scenario where results are declared not less than 100 days after exams
• recently, a friend had to attempt two papers in the same day, for half way through the first one the college realised that the university had handed them the wrong papers. Fun, no ?

The greatest regret that I’d perhaps have is that I’d never have the chance to look back and say , “Oh! Those were the lovely engineering college days.” I’d not like to make any silly accusation here that the teachers are bad, the system is rotten, people have no sense, there are few like-minded students. All of which is partly true though. But there is no nostalgic romance that I’ll be able to associate with college. It’ll always be about Draconian laws , Machiavellianism and irrational educators. Unless something changes drastically over the next half, I’ll never be able to evoke positive responses about the college, a fact that’d continue to haunt me.

Siddharth and I had this joke once, where he told me that he was threatened in Std 10 that if he didn’t study hard enough, he’d be forced to take commerce. (Abhyas kar nahi tar commerce ghyava lagel). How we wish, we hadn’t studied well back then, life would have been less of a farce really

The problem with most of us is that we’re studying the wrong things for the totally wrong reasons. As Sidin so beautifully puts on his twitter,

‘Sab log dekh rahe hai’ is not why kids should’nt act like hooligans on the metro. Stupid parents.

Extending the same to other facets of life, “Sab log kar rahe hai” is not a reason why students should take up a course. Stupid stupid students. The only reason I’d ever work as a computer engg. guy is because that would help me foot my internet bills. No other reasons. And that is why, it is important for everyone at this stage to choose a course that they really really WANT to do. Harsha and Seth Godin just reaffirm my stance.

There’s nothing more to write really, I go back into my shell. Start hunting for CAT classes. Hope to pass SEM 4. That I wouldn’t know for 100 more days though .

The plight of this graduate is slightly more interesting than mine. So, this shall be the standard fare for tonight

As I start crunching some keys on the pad, an obnoxious feeling of guilt encompasses me. For I am not supposed to be writing this post. Buried in eons of work, from all spheres of activity, it is high time I stop honeymooning on the Internet and get back to things that matter more at this juncture. But for a couple of very esoteric reasons, I will go on with the post.

19th March 2009  was celebrated in college as “Saree, Rose and Tie” Day. Saree, roses and ties are just plain metaphors for color, love, happiness, exuberance and elegance. Perennially captured in the clutches of paper education, its like an early nirvana for most students. To cut a long story short, most students, me included, take this day very seriously. Students come  impeccably dressed. Vibrant colours, smart ties, roses, jewellery and a wide assortment of accessories. It is a sight to behold. The average girl who sits next to you metamorphs herself into svelte, refined woman while the average guy looks less shabby and dishevelled than normal.

Now, the story begins thus. Not being a very prominent “Rose Day” catch, I decided to dress quite normally for the ocassion. Very satisfied with what I had put on, I left my place quite content; eagerly looking forward to the day’s proceedings. Lecturers got caught in the occasion and decided to mingle with the students whom they usually consider repugnant.  So, behind closed doors, in our classroom, started a “Talent Session”. Students were invited on the podium to showcase any art or talent they possessed. With the entire class cheering on with no inhibition in mind, it was an ideal platform for everyone to let their ‘arty’ hair down and have a good time. The talented people went onto the dais one after the other. Some sang melodious songs, some mimicked illustrious personalities, some did a jig, some gyrated to tunes, some cracked jokes. But most importantly, all were vociferously cheered and appreciated. After some time had elapsed, the entire class requested me to take to the stage and have my 30 seconds of fame.

I have never been artistically inclined. Perhaps because I was never exposed to art as a kid. All I did at primary school were a couple of stage plays. Everything really tapered off after that. Secondary schooling was completely devoid of any sort of song or dance. As a result, I stick out as a sore thumb at most “enjoyment sessions” or gatherings prompting people to assume that I hate enjoyment, which is pretty preposterous.

A gamut of options flashed across my eyes. I searched. Sing. No. Dance. Hell, no. Act. Could, but not impromptu, need a script. Impersonate someone. Nope. Acrobatics. Out of question. Musical instrument. No. I sheepishly muttered that I could not do anything artistic and sat down. It was a complete damp squib.

Art is really important. Performing and Fine art more so than Literary Arts. Most bloggers like me are competent at literary arts like debates, elocutions, speeches, quizzes, JAM’s and the like. But in my humble opinion, literary art is kind of a pseudo art. More like Computer or IT engineering being pseudo branches. An artist or an exponent of any art form is a very gifted person. Art gives its exponent visibilty , a solid physical presence in a gathering of people. The expression of an artist is pure, unadulterated, entertaining and soothing. The artist helps his audience transcend into a world of million possibilties and infinte opportunities. A Utopian world that everone really craves for. Literary art is brutal, oppressive, boisterous and diabolical. It does nothing but find flaws, crevices and imperfections in the true artists. It is a corruption of art. Literary arts has a fierce competitve edge associated with it. It is hierarchial. It differentiates among people, rates people on their ability. The other two forms that have discussed above are widely recognised and accepted by all as parameters of sociability.

It is not just classrooms where you need these performing arts. Performing arts form an integral part of any marriage process. Imagine a pretty normal chore of two families meeting over tea to talk about their kids as if they are some commodities to be traded on MCX. The groom’s mother always needs to know if the bride can cook, sing, dance or paint. Whether she can take sensible & mature decisions when most needed is secondary as compared to the art forms. Sense, pragmatism and sensibility is not art. It is infact an exact anti-art, if there is such a category. And where art is really the order of the day, anti-art finds it difficult to survive. Perhaps, this could be one of the reasons for the rising number of unsuccessful marriages.

A glance at the religious textures of the country tells us a different tale. In the Swayamvar to win Sita’s hand, the suitors were asked to string a bow and not perform a folk dance. Arjuna won Draupadi’s hand after giving demonstration of his dextrous archery skills. But for now, the goalposts have been changed. Rama would have had to gyrate to Himesh Reshammiya numbers to win over his in-laws.

But such trivial inconsistencies can not be an excuse or justification not to cultivate an art form. My sister is a fine dancer. It makes her more of a complete person. Social recognition aside, audience and acquaintances can relate to her form of performance. At times, even I do feel the need of an art form. Something I regret not paying enough conscious attention in developing one in my early years. Most people after enjoying a flourishing professional career will retire early to pursue their interest in painting, photography, movies, dance and classical singing. I can see myself taking up tennis, golf or bridge – something which is also very ‘anti-art’. Because I am pretty hopeless at it, I appreciate art, artists and artisans.

Art is a wonderful thing. It is everywhere around us. Everyone is an artist in their own small ways. Everyone might not be a performing artist or a fine artist. Everyone might not be able to sell their art form in front of an eager and anticipating audience. As Robert Prisig puts it in his 1974 novel, from which this article dervies its title, motorcycle maintainence is also very much an art. But conventional arts – like graphic art, visual art, performing arts reside in the higher echelons of the art society. Everyone should strive to cultivate one such conventional art. Blessed are their exponents !

A little bit of introspection has led me to believe that I have been really ungrateful to people, especially to the blogging community over the last few months. Although, everyone does turn up and comment on each of my posts, I hardly take any trouble to comment. I visit and read each post. Appreciate it deep down. And then open another tab. I haven’t updated my blogroll in ages. Many friends and acquaintances do blog and surely giving them a mention isn’t a herculean task. But yet, I don’t do it. I’m kinda bad. I know. But I’ve decided to make amends.

This post is all about fellow bloggers. Their defining traits and qualities. And at the end of it, i’ll surely be updating my blogroll. So without further delay, let us rip into the beautiful people and their blogs.

Pratap Kaul – http://www.rollercoasterrumble.blogspot.com/

Sirjee epitomises the ideal blogger. Each of his posts are deeply thought, articulately written and well presented. And the fact that he’s a true photography enthusiast helps as his blog is adorned with pics which he himself clicks. Takes keen interest in sport and politics and every post is profound and rational. The beacon of SPIT blogging.

Sridhar Rao – http://thesongremainsthesame.wordpress.com/

Pound for pound, the best blogger in college. Given that he’s the youngest of the lot, he doesn’t much visibilty per se. But as time ages, he’ll get his due. His repertoire of words, emotions, thoughts is a treat. And the humour is a bit Wodehouseian to be honest. I can picture him writing for one of the daily/weekly publications with fanmail & marry me requests flooding his inbox.

Siddharth Deekshit – http://ssssssiddharth.blogspot.com/

He can give Sridhar a real run for his money, provided he remembers his password for more than a month. Education, American politics, world relations are plum areas of his and everytime he writes a post, its an intense read.

Rishkul Kulkarni – http://acousticity.wordpress.com/

His is really an unadulterated ‘blog’ in every sense of the term. Its his expression space. His diary. Every post has an intense personal experience related to it. Unabashed and honest to the core, it really is not aimed at any audience per se and is a treat for someone who can decipher metaphors and poems.

Dimple Nangia – http://poisonivy68.blogspot.com/

Female bloggers. May their tribe increase. Dimple’s blog is a very consistent and nice read. Very versatile. Posts really differ in length and content. Every time you visit, you’ll get a different read. Refreshing yet honest. Also, one remarkable trait of her is that she reads every other possible blog and rarely fails to comment on any of the posts.

Brett Fernandes -  http://lawofomerta.blogspot.com/

His blog resembles mine greatly. Soccer, grumpiness, messed up thoughts and rants. All the more reason for me to like him

Kirti Khopkar – http://alostdiscoverer.wordpress.com/

Pragmatic and very readable. Its has a distinct connect with you as she writes what she sees. She’s trying her hand at poems and limericks recently, and I can’t really comment on them as I , to save my life, can’t understand poetry !

Harshad Deshpande – http://hdeshpande.blogspot.com/

A very similar blog to Kirti’s. What he sees is what you get. All in all , a satisfying read.

Rohit Ajitkumar – http://adatelessdiary.blogspot.com/

I’ve just got to know him and his blog and it is a real treat. Composed and very thoughfully written, he writes on pretty much the same topics as me – football, quizzing, college and arbit. His quizzing posts are really heartfelt and I can pretty much relate to them

Adhitya ‘Anna’ Iyer -  http://annnanymous.wordpress.com/

Anna is a very creative person. And you can tell that from his blog. He’s pretty good and words and puns and he gets them in wherever he can. Just 3 posts into his blog, i’m looking forward to more from him.

Tanush Parihar – http://freakometer.wordpress.com/

Blog in a very nascent stage. Would be very unfair to pass a judgement.

Anand Markande – http://craponomics.blogspot.com/

Ungratefulness. Thats what it is. I haven’t really tried to read his blog. But from now, it’ll be a different story. Also, there’s a entrepreneurial streak in him, something that has always interested me. We could be e-buddies

Yugandhar Garde – http://www.yugisalwaysconfused.blogspot.com/

Same applies as Anand. I’ll try to improve. Btw, he has the coolest theme of us all.

Mayuresh Madbhavi – http://worthlessexistence.wordpress.com/

He’s just started this one. So we’ll give him time. And hopefully, it’ll be nice

Sardar Patel Quiz Club – http://spqc.wordpress.com/

Its our baby. So we had to put it here. The main challenge with this blog is sustainence (spelling ?). There’s a lot of enthusiasm about it now. Beginners’ luck. The challenge is to maintain this positivity and euphoria over a greater period of time. It’ll be a difficult task. But we’ll give it our best shot.

Chinmay Kamat -http://beckhamsbarber.wordpress.com/

Well, its really difficult to pass a verdict on your own blog. But from what I see, I don’t have the ability to write a long drawn essay. I can not collect my thoughts over a longer period of time. I’m more of an idea person. I try to imporvise and put in a decent post every time. But sometimes, it does get awry. As I say in the About me page, I’m jack of small trades, master of none. The ultimate aim is to be jack of small trades, master of one.

There may be many other bloggers who I might not be aware of. Would love to add them to my *updated* blogroll. So let me know. Also, if I’ve missed out on someone, just bring it to my notice. For you all know, I’m not evil enough to do it on purpose.

Happy blogging !

* Edit:  Just realised that the list is incopmplete without :-

Ashmita Sengupta – http://www.meetanonymity.blogspot.com/

Sinan K – http://losinmysoul.blogspot.com/

Heston – http://systematic-confusion.blogspot.com/