Lets make this one very cliched. Ever since I started this blog, I knew there would be a stage where I’d be forced to write this one. Everyone writes one and calls it various names. For some its a ‘mid-graduation analysis’, for some ‘what after this conrundrum’ and for some a simple education crisis.  Its going to be a very funny post this one, ironically, completely devoid of humour. It is funny because the first couple of years of engineering have been by far the worst two years of all. Lots of tumult. Uncertainty. Despair. Struggle. And it isn’t really something that I’d like to take time off and write about.

But then I’ve this very inflexible habit where I plan things. I set up my mind to do something in a particular way, and do not like to make modifications to the method. I know, its a bit archaic this methodology, especially in the times of just in time compilation, just in time inventory management and dynamic programming. Ask some friends of mine and they’ll testify. I am very rarely part of an impromptu gathering. For whenever I get up every morning, I envisage a plan for the day, however stupid that may be. And if something upsets the plan, I’m a bit grumpy. So, it was this unconditional whim of mine that decided that I’ll make a post like this some couple of years ago.

I think I echo the sentiments of most students who are really unsure about what to do ahead. After graduation. The four years of graduate studies at MU are so uninspiring, unfulfilling that students tend to look beyond graduation very early. Most people are sitting at home confused not knowing what to do – which classes to join, why to join, what to do.

I’ll let out a little secret. Even before I joined engineering, I’d always wanted to do an MBA. In the two years of farce which most of us refer to us as junior college, I couldn’t relate to any of organic chemistry or nuclear physics for that matter. I’d often wonder, who makes these schedules for sport tournaments ? Who decides how the stock prices fluctuate ? How does a country decide how much currency notes to circulate ? How can people sell tons of potato chips when they are so not worth the money ? The answers weren’t really in any junior college text books. An extensive research over the internet for a few months led me to explore everything about the MBA. And I could finally relate to things. I got hold of some examination papers. And I was like, this is Ok, its do-able. If I study, I’ll do well in this. In an attempt to escape the clutches of really uninspiring junior college, I drifted towards an MBA, so much so that at one moment I thought I wouldn’t mind doing a BMS or Economics. Not because I’d been cool then, get to spike my hair and watch movies with sensual ladies at my arm. But just that I’d be learning something that made sense. And not endlessly cram insipid things before every exam.

It then became a fierce MBA v/s Engineering battle. I then always thought I’d work exceedingly hard for the CAT and it became a kind of test of redemption. Pretty naive that I was then, CAT became important because it was my redemption card for the not performing (thaaaaaat) well in my Engg. entrance examinations. But decent marks ensured that I got into one nice big-named hunky-dory college in Mumbai rejecting overtures from some other bits and pieces from Rajasthan and Goa and landed up doing Computer Engineering. Still, at the back of my mind I always had decided, two years down the line, I’ll start a blog, post things like they post here.

Not even half way through, let me put it straight that this is not a post bigging MBA over engineering. IMHO, engineering is the most difficult of all professional courses. I truly admire science graduates studying pure science and core engineering subjects, for I know that I’d never be able to study these subjects being at peace with myself. Every parent silently wants his kid to take up pure science or core engineering, I think. It is sign that he’s on the right track, interested in all things perceived right.

This is the time – 2 years into enginerring – is when I was to start that CAT blog. Be all excited about the exam and work harder than most people towards it. But it ain’t happening. Not in a million years. I’ve kind of learnt so much over the last couple of years that my entire perspective about higher education has undergone a radical change. Every week, I wake up, and dread attending college – for it is nothing but a monumental waste of time,energy and resources. And that is why I’ve to make doubly sure that whatever I do later isn’t as much of a drag as it is today.

So, I guess the scene is set to join one of the infinitely many available CAT classes. I’ll attend classes and attempt the exam in Nov’10. But it just would never be the same. The fervor, the zeal, the enthusiasm will all be lacking. Because from the couple of years at MU, I’ve come to the conclusion that no exam can be overtly important and most learning is hollow. Plus, CAT goes online from Nov’09. Going the BITSAT or GRE way. There was always a paper and pencil charm associated with the exam like he puts it. Now, that they’ve done away with this method, the enthusiasm just keeps dropping every passing day. So no more CAT blogs, no more romanticising the exam, no more CAT updates. Just couple of years of sheep-walking then falling flat on the ground, with egg all over your face.

Most of  my friends will end up taking the GRE and hunt abroad for greener pastures. After joining an engg course, it did cross my mind once. With everyone doing a masters, surely its worth a punt, isn’t it ? But because subjects are so badly taught over here, no real computer science topic excites me – apart from Web Technologies to an extent. Keep me locked in a room full of marketing textbooks, and I “might” survive. Replace them with Microprocessors and I won’t.

What I’ve understood is that, computer science subjects per se are not that uninteresting. But they are taught in a very myopic sense, so much so that they become unbearable. Perhaps when one does Masters, the “competent” faculty would give a more holistic view of the entire subject enviroment and perhaps generate some interest in the subject. But committing yourself with this flicker of hope in mind could prove disastrous. Yes, in these couple of years, pursuing Masters did cross my mind, something which would have been sacrilegious back in my junior college rebel days, but after flirting with the idea for a while, I’ve decided to reject it. For it fails to answer a simple question, in classic Wendy’s style, “Where’s the beef  ?” .

(Just an observation. Sacrilegious and beef in the same paragraph. Trust me its a coincidence.)

Well, the fact remains that I’m still not a graduate. Far from that. And this one is as much about college and how the first couple of years have been in college as the aforementioned topics. Initially I thought I’d make a list of things accomplished, things failed to do, things I want to do. But then it’ll be a huge list, no ?

Lets just say that “college life” has not really been as it should have been. Often I get these pangs of dissapointment where I say to myself ,” This is not how I was supposed to spend years 18-21. Shrouded in worry, anxiety, uncertainty and dare I say mediocrity.”

You might wonder, what is with this guy who keeps on ranting about how bad the work enviornment is. But it is really bad. Trust me on this one. I do not know how other universities in India go about their jobs. But painful as it may sound, but we have to get used to  -

• approximately 50 days of vacations per year (only ? )
• scenario where results are declared not less than 100 days after exams
• recently, a friend had to attempt two papers in the same day, for half way through the first one the college realised that the university had handed them the wrong papers. Fun, no ?

The greatest regret that I’d perhaps have is that I’d never have the chance to look back and say , “Oh! Those were the lovely engineering college days.” I’d not like to make any silly accusation here that the teachers are bad, the system is rotten, people have no sense, there are few like-minded students. All of which is partly true though. But there is no nostalgic romance that I’ll be able to associate with college. It’ll always be about Draconian laws , Machiavellianism and irrational educators. Unless something changes drastically over the next half, I’ll never be able to evoke positive responses about the college, a fact that’d continue to haunt me.

Siddharth and I had this joke once, where he told me that he was threatened in Std 10 that if he didn’t study hard enough, he’d be forced to take commerce. (Abhyas kar nahi tar commerce ghyava lagel). How we wish, we hadn’t studied well back then, life would have been less of a farce really

The problem with most of us is that we’re studying the wrong things for the totally wrong reasons. As Sidin so beautifully puts on his twitter,

‘Sab log dekh rahe hai’ is not why kids should’nt act like hooligans on the metro. Stupid parents.

Extending the same to other facets of life, “Sab log kar rahe hai” is not a reason why students should take up a course. Stupid stupid students. The only reason I’d ever work as a computer engg. guy is because that would help me foot my internet bills. No other reasons. And that is why, it is important for everyone at this stage to choose a course that they really really WANT to do. Harsha and Seth Godin just reaffirm my stance.

There’s nothing more to write really, I go back into my shell. Start hunting for CAT classes. Hope to pass SEM 4. That I wouldn’t know for 100 more days though .

The plight of this graduate is slightly more interesting than mine. So, this shall be the standard fare for tonight